Ayoub's Testimony
May Allah be pleased with him!
Converted: Novermber 26th 2005
I was born into a catholic Filipino family in an American military town. Most of my time learning about Catholicism was on Sunday mass and Sunday school. As a young child, I prayed the rosary, made offerings of food and alcohol to statues of Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Archangel Gabriel, Saints and even shrines of dead ancestors. When I visited the Philippines, the church leaders, priests allowed the practice of pagan indigenous practice or witchcraft. During a funeral of my grandmother, the pagans cut the head off a rooster in front of my grandmothers house, they built a mound of rise and set eggs on top of it, and they even conversed with the dead from graves. All this was done infront of the catholic church who allowed such practice. I asked myself, "Where does Catholicism draw the line?" During my time in the Philippines, I saw women with their hair covered and men with beards, turbans, kufi. I asked my uncle who were these people, he said they were, "Moros." They migrated from Mindanao up to Northern Philippines (Luzon) for work. My knowledge of islam was mostly the typical American fantasy fostered by the American movies; depicted muslims as subhuman, violent and deceitful people. With that in mind, I had a hatred for muslims, arabs and Arabic language. I was, in a sense, racist against arabs, Indians and blacks. My parents were raised to keep the blood pure from black, mexican or "racially inferior" bloodlines. When my family and I were watching a documentary on religion; my father mocked and made fun of the Adhaan and "smelly arabs." Then, he went on a 6 month cruise; His experience with islam came from his time in the U.S. Navy; visiting Bahrain, Kuwait, Yemen, Pakistan and Malaysia. He brought back sent us gifts from these places; a sword made in Yemen, an arab head dress, candies and picture of him and his friend on camels trekking the Arabian desert. I was very fascinated by the culture and eventually did a report on the nation of Yemen as a school project. The research of Yemen lead me to the research of Islam. Again, I still had a stereotype against muslims, but my dad gave me a lot of information, books and pictures of Yemen; besides, I had an arab head dress to show my classmates. As I did research on Islam, I grew more interested and took on an appreciative view of Islam and started having doubts about Catholicism.
In highschool, I had biology teachers denounce religion and creationism. Many of my classmates that I became friends with were Atheist. So naturally, by way of association, I became an atheist; but not for very long. There was no way that I could ignore the vastness of the universe, the depth of the oceans, the complexity of life forms, the intelligence of the human animal, the love I feel for my parents, and the evil things in our world. I still wanted to believe in God and hold on to a Christian identity. Because in America, Christianity is the norm and to go out of the norm is difficult and burdensome.
On a Sunday afternoon, two Mormon women came to my house and invited me to their LDS (Latter Day Saints) church. They were really beautiful, young and I think it was their charm and beauty to make me go to their church not necessarily their message. Once I was there, I was placed in a different room separate from the white Mormons, they put me in a room full of Filipinos and the pastor spoke in tagalong (Filipino language). I told the two Mormon I didn't know Tagalog and they translated for me. The message was pretty much the same as a catholic sermon. By this time, I wanted to know more and more about Mormonism. But there were weird and often absurd things mentioned in the Book of Mormon in regards to History and racist language which ultimately led me to cross off Mormonism as a religion for me. Besides, I didn't like the fact that I came to the church because of the two charming and beautiful Mormon women.
During college, I was working at a clothing store. One employee invited me to her evangelical church. She was also a hip hop dancer and did many dance performances with her other evangelical friends. When I went to the church, it was hip and very lively. They had rock music, people dancing on stage, jumping up and down. it was like a party every Sunday! And as a typical American college student, I really liked it! The church was packed like a stadium. The church had two big screen projectors. They had the lighting, the special effects crew, film crew, and the background music that goes with the sermon of the pastor. The pastor would always relate Christianity with football, because he was a former football player. And since football is the most popular sport, it made every sermon interesting. Everyone brought their bible (New King James Version/NIV) and their pencils to take down notes and underline passages of out bible.
The pastor held a prayer for those who died on 9/11. He prayed to God to make the muslims into Christians. And many of the church goers put in money to support the missionary work in Afghanistan, Africa, Middle East and other parts of the Muslim world. Many of my Christian friends had bad things to say about islam and really wanted to convert muslims. On the news, all I could see are "evil muslims," and people who left islam talking about islam in the news. So I did more research on islam, trying to look for evil passages in the Qur'an and sound hadiths. I went online debating Muslims. Everytime, I was on the losing end. The muslim knew a lot about Christianity than the typical Christian!!! I was very distraught of the fact that the muslims were successfully countering my attacks against the Quran, that I resorted to name calling and bringing up bin laden, al Qaeda and terrorism. At that moment, I didn't want anything to do with islam because it was taking a toll on my faith on Christianity. I did not want to lose my Christian identity that has been a part of me for most of my life; and to have another religion successfully denounce the authority and legitimacy of the bible was disturbing to me.
The evangelical pastor of the church I went to visited Israel to learn about Christianity; but mostly to gain support from Jews in Israel and America. When he came back, he had a lecture about the evil of fornication, he said: "I'll never be alone in a room with a woman other than my wife, daughter and relatives. If you guys are in a room alone with a woman other than your wife, girlfriend or relatives. the third companion is the devil!!!" At that moment, I recognized that saying, it was from Islam. Also, he said, "The muslims are very adamant in their faith. we need to be like them in their worship!!!"
On 2004, the movie, "Passion of the Christ" was released in movie theaters throughout America. I was very excited and believed this would be the revival of Christianity in America and around the world. Unfortunately, when I went to watch it, it was very disgusting and really had no message. It was a blood bath that fulfilled the thirst of the sadomasochist. I would feel sorrowful for anyone who was being tortured like that. A lot of the people that saw the movie cried; and they used their emotion as evidence of their faith as a true faith. I was deeply upset that the evangelical church I attended put up advertisements and the actors phase on the stage! People were kneeling and raising their hands to the image. It was sickening and reminded me of idol worship of pagans I read in the bible. I was also dating at the time I was Christian; I did fornicate but the woman and I were Christian and didn't really believe that it was much of a big sin just as long as we believed we were saved by the blood of Christ.. I felt depressed at my situation and prayed to Jesus to help me get out of my lifestyle. I listen to Christian Music (Gospel, Rock, R&B) to try and uplift me from the pain I felt inside.. but the music only made me even more depressed. The music felt "manufactured" and "fake." Eventually, I left Christianity and gravitated towards Judaism, Taoism and Buddhism.
I had jewish friends and they invited me to their synagogue, parties and restaurants. The jewish people were really nice and had some tasty Yiddish food. But their culture and ethnicity were strongly entwined with the jewish religion. From learning about Judaism, it took a lot of steps and a ritual to become jewish. A rabbi even told me that he didn't want me to become a jew, and that it was unnecessary. I myself couldn't really see myself as jewish because I have no bloodties to ancient Hebrews, I don't support Israel, and I disagree with many parts of the Torah. Even though Yiddish/Jewish food was tastey. I couldn't think of myself of abandoning cheeseburger and milkshake. I did not like the legacy of the jews written on the Book of Joshua where they killed everything that breathed in the land of canaan. I did not like that fact that the name "Jew" is the name of a tribe (Juda). And I didn't like the term, "God of Israel." Although the jewish religion is beautiful and full of truths, the errors outweighed those truths.
I had a talk with my grandfather about Philippines and our family history. He had a lot of things to say about his time serving in the Philippines army fighting the Japanese invaders and the Moros of Mindanao. He said that our family name traced back to Mindanao and was a derivative of an arab name; Makhdum Karim; the first Islamic missionary to the Philippines Islands. The island of Mindanao has a province the same as my last name, and named after Makhdum. The province is called, Madamba. And I was amazed to learn that most of its population are muslim. And this new revelation about history, I wasn't afraid to learn about islam as a potential religion for myself. I went to a masjid in San Diego, and met up with a brother named Nabil. He showed me how to perform wudu, and taught me some other basic things about islam. Then he introduced me to a Pakistani brother, he invited me to his house and introduced me to other muslim brothers. They taught me how to perform salaat, etiquettes and manners of islam. I was very impressed. I had a lot of questions concerning hadiths' and many controversial things about islam that is brought up by anti-muslims. Everyone question I posed was answered adequately. I wanted to become a muslim on my next trip to the masjid. but I was very scared of what my parent would have thought. So, as a good son, I asked my parents that I wanted to become a muslim. They were very upset and threatened to kick me out of the house; they said if I become muslim, I will lose my inheritance to land in the Philippines and 3 houses my parents own here in the U.S. My family even contacted a priest from the Philippines to help me return to Catholicism. He raised his ring on his finger to my face expecting me to kiss his ring in recognition of his authority as a religion man. I refused by taking his hand and shaking it.
The news and talk radio stationed I listened to had many evil things to say about islam, also, they would blatantly LIE to their listeners. In one instance, a radio show personality said that it was the muslims that destroyed the Great Library of Alexandria. That was such a BIG lie. Because I took western civilization in college and did research on the Great Library of Alexandria; it was the Roman Christians who destroyed the Great Library. He failed to mention the extremist Christians of Egypt who brutally murdered the most gifted women in that time, Hypatia. I was fed up with all the lies and slander against Muslims that I felt as if these liars were insulting me. I didn't care if my parents abandoned me, because in islam, they can try to abandon me but I can never abandon them. And the worldly inheritance is nothing compared to the jannah. I also wanted to prove to my parents that I could work for my own fruits and not rely on my parents all the time. I wanted to worship God the way Jesus (pbuh) worshiped God. I wanted to free myself from the enslavement of the world, lust and satan. Islam has given me a wonderful outlook on life. I thank Allah for giving me Islam. Islam is a way of life that I cannot think of abandoning; The way they wash before prayer, eating, cleanliness in the bathroom, prayer in doing anything you do, even before making love to your spouse. Its such a beautiful religion I cry out of praise and thankfulness to my Creator as I write this testimony.
-Tomas "Ayoub" Madamba
